am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Randomize
