dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
