no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
