HIV tests are more positive than that guy
wrigley field is MILF paradise
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
