On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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