What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
is that a dick in a sweater?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
