Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
