Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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