Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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