Quick, to the slutcave!
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
