do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
God, you're like boner-b-gone
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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