try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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