Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
