Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
