you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
