the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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