It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
