Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
