In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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