Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
