just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
