There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
