Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
