I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
