do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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