I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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