i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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