I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
