Soap is not a condiment
apparently the secret to your success is patron
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
