3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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