i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I love you. Go after that dick
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
