my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
