Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
another moral hangover. fuck.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Moan for me like Helen Keller
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
We need to rekindle our bromance
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
