he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
