Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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