i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
