If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
