If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
