I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I just got carded by a ten year old.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
