I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
