Texts From Last Night

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  (214): View more from Texas

  a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener

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  (214): a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener http://tfl.nu/2syz
  Replies (6) Good night (642) Bad night (2236)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  your sister was..

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  (603): she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin (262): your sister was.. http://tfl.nu/c3sq
  Replies (18) Good night (5251) Bad night (1474)
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  (925): View more from California

  I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.

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  (925): I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder. http://tfl.nu/ta5a
  Replies (31) Good night (4667) Bad night (725)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Just got to costco. Where are you?

  (602): View more from Arizona

  Liquor aisle, bring another cart.

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  (773): Just got to costco. Where are you? (602): Liquor aisle, bring another cart. http://tfl.nu/c1j1
  Replies (33) Good night (15710) Bad night (1052)
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.

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  (707): come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you. http://tfl.nu/6h34
  Replies (17) Good night (2183) Bad night (2640)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.

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  (812): I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits. http://tfl.nu/nvjd
  Replies (2) Good night (963) Bad night (599)
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.

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  (217): Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn. http://tfl.nu/jae6
  Replies (11) Good night (1951) Bad night (546)
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.

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  (760): don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next. http://tfl.nu/ewyr
  Replies (23) Good night (2006) Bad night (674)
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?

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  (510): Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye? http://tfl.nu/6n0k
  Replies (6) Good night (1025) Bad night (455)
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.

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  (951): We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here. http://tfl.nu/55bx
  Replies (4) Good night (509) Bad night (638)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.

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  (215): my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue. http://tfl.nu/4yma
  Replies (0) Good night (727) Bad night (415)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.

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  (818): I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt. http://tfl.nu/o8z5
  Replies (8) Good night (1156) Bad night (330)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around

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  (717): Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around http://tfl.nu/yfqo
  Replies (13) Good night (873) Bad night (372)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.

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  (310): Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley. http://tfl.nu/mbvo
  Replies (2) Good night (356) Bad night (669)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.

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  (919): I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went. http://tfl.nu/8z0s
  Replies (2) Good night (395) Bad night (667)

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