Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away