Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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