Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil