Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.