I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
