what day is it and did you see me today?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize