Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
