Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
