Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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