she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
