Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
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I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
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I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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