I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
he was CRYING into my vagina
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
