Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
