I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
