So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
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