I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
