turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Farmville is her only friend.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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