does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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