$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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