Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
