Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
