So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
