My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
