is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
