He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
