I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Is Oprah even human
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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