One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
he thought i was a dude.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
bring money and cleavage
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
