The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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