You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
birth control should be required to get into college
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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