HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
