Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
