"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
