my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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