I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Everyone says I win the strip club
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
