3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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