YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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