my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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